Sunday the boys had a flag football game. We won’t discuss the final score. Let’s just say the boys are learning to do their best, and have fun, and not worry about winning. Plus, they have a good coach this time around, so they are learning some basic plays and getting a chance to play every position.
William still doesn’t focus very well during the games, poor guy. I wonder when that will click for him. He’s a bit of a contradiction in that he likes to win–really wants to win. So that’s competitive, right? But then, he doesn’t have that fire to compete, really hustle and work that I always associate with being competitive. So basically, he wants to win, but doesn’t understand the formula that leads to winning. I have to keep telling myself that he’s only been doing sports for a year, and he’ll figure this stuff out eventually.
Not that I want him to become obsessed with competition, but I want him to participate with an understanding of what is most likely to bring success. And hopefully still retain the ability to say the better team won when he loses. And hopefully learn to not say that when he wins.
This parenting thing keeps me on my toes. I’m constantly asking why I expect what I do from William, and have I given him the instruction he needs to meet those expectations. Sometimes I think I have him figured out, and then he just blindsides me with some completely unexpected perspective. He really does come at things from a different angle.
Back when I was first looking into homeschool, I came across the concept of a visual-spatial learner
, and it’s pretty scary how well it describes William. Some of the key attributes are:
Thinks primarily in pictures.
William likes a movie better than its book counterpart because he can see what it looks like.
Relates well to space.
He’s always been able to make really cool 3-D representations, whether out of legos or cardboard and tape.
Is a whole-part learner.
He doesn’t want just part of the picture. He’s always trying to tie things together. He learned over 100 sight words easily by the age of 2, but struggled with phonics when I tried that with him at 4.
Learns complex concepts easily; struggles with easy skills.
This is a super frustrating one for me as a mom and a teacher. Things that seem like a no-brainer to me, and most of the world, really baffle him and require extra explanation. Ugh. I really need to remember to be patient with him.
Sees the big picture; may miss details.
This can also be frustrating. Especially when it comes to completing tasks like, oh, say, tidying his room. He thinks it’s tidy, but he’s missed details like the fact that you can’t see the top of his dresser, and his closet is a disaster area.
Doesn’t write quickly or easily.
So true of William. His handwriting isn’t even close to resembling a 3rd graders.
Is not well-organized.
Not sure I can pin this entirely on the visual-spatial thing, because he could have just learned it from me.
Learns best by seeing relationships.
He tries to tie things together all the time. Sometimes, the things aren’t linked the way he thinks they are, though, and he comes to a wrong conclusion.
Learns concepts permanently; is turned off by drill and repetition.
He puts elephants to shame. Honestly. And he gets frustrated when he has to do something over and over to the point that he loses focus and it begins to be pointless to have him continue to repeat it.
Develops own methods of problem solving.
I remember when he was about 5 months old, he pulled up on our coffee table and tried to grab a toy that was on the other side. He stood there for a couple minutes trying to reach with first one hand, then the other, but it was just beyond his finger tips. So then he tried to climb up on the table, but fortunately hadn’t learned that trick just yet. I was just watching him, wondering if he’d give up and turn his attention somewhere else. He stopped for a second and just looked at the toy, then dropped to the floor, crawled under the table, and pulled up on the other side. Success! I knew I was in for a wild ride.
Is very sensitive to teachers’ attitudes.
This is so very true of William. He can read people’s emotions well. He knows when I’m impatient or frustrated with him, and he does not respond well to it. He becomes emotional when he senses emotion. He is also hypersensitive to the possibility of making people angry or disappointing someone, and reacts emotionally to that. I’m really working on having him control his emotions right now, and trying to explain to him that when he splats tears and angry words all over people, they are going to react negatively. That doesn’t mean they are permanently mad at him or they don’t like him. Explaining doesn’t work super well for him though–he needs to experience it and build trust in people.
Generates unusual solutions to problems.
Standardized tests are not his cup of tea. I plan on testing him regularly because I want him to have practice enough that he can do well with them. But multiple choice tests with only one correct answer can be tough for him because he sees aspects of “correctness” in more than one answer quite often. And if I can get him to explain himself, he’s using good logic. Just not common sense.
Develops quite asynchronously.
He took his first steps the day before he turned 9 months. But he still can’t stand still.
Is a late bloomer.
I think this is definitely true for him socially. He’s always been a bit socially immature. He’s grown up quite a bit in this past year, though, and I’m trying to help him grow up some more.
In January I took the plunge and started William in league sports at the JCC even though he protested mightily. He hated basketball, soccer, football–you name it. He cried. He threw temper tantrums. It wasn’t pretty and it made me tired. Then in April I threw gymnastics into the mix. More of the same emotional responses. But through this year he has grown up so much. He has learned more emotional control. He’s learned some tools for dealing with bullies. He’s learned to run into a group of people that he doesn’t know, and look to the coach for what to do. He no longer complains before every class and game that he doesn’t want to do it.
So yes, so far all of his trophies are for participation only. But winning really isn’t everything. Just getting my upside-down little guy in the game is a victory in my book.
