Books read in October

William:
The Chocolate Touch by Patrick Skene Catling(finished 10/24)

An Unusual Pet

by William

If I had a weird pet, it would be a monitor lizard. I would feed it what it likes to eat, and I would walk it every day. I’d keep it in my backyard so it could climb up trees, if it liked that, and swim, if it liked that. I would name it what it acted like. I kind of think a good name would be Sabotage because they like ambushing, and a sabotage is an ambush. If I ever bought a cat, I’d let the monitor chase the cat. To bring the monitor inside, I would fill its bowl up with the fresh food that it liked. I’d bring it to my zoo when I went to work. I would make sure that it didn’t get out of its cage and into the building because that would scare someone. If it got out of its cage inside the building, I’d put the monitor inside the place where I keep the other monitors.

The End

(This was a school assignment dictated to me. The prompt was: “Suppose you owned an unusual pet. What would it be? What would you do with it?”)

A simple day

We had a pretty good day today, and now I’m kicking back with an almost complete checklist (I made myself one like William’s), listening to some John Denver and unwinding. I have that nice tired feeling. You know the one where you know you’ve earned your sleep tonight? Yeah that one. I have a few more boxes to check, but I’m already looking forward to my pillow and some dreamless sleep. Before that, a few bullets:

–David left for Columbia today. Not the university, the country. I hope he has fun and stays safe. I wish I could do stuff like that, but it’s probably safer for a 6′ 5″ muscular guy to travel Columbia alone than for your average female with a grade-schooler in tow.
–Got a letter from the guardian ad litem today that was mildly promising. But he wants more money. Bummer.
–How did I get so far behind on the cable bill?
–We put in four solid hours of school today and got bunches done. I can’t wait until I run out of books and have to go school shopping again.
–The ginormous project is almost done. Just have to tie up the loose ends. Unfortunately, that is pretty confusing for a novice such as myself.
–William told me today I should go on The Biggest Loser, and he meant it as a nice thing. He also told me he has a bag of toys packed to go to Jarek’s house or the place of safety. He’s a planner that one.
–Rhapsody seems to have lost all of my playlists. That just stinks.
–Basketball season starts tomorrow! Yipee! Down with the Spurs, up with the Suns!

Ok. JB the taskmaster is trying to tell me how to do RSS, so I better give him my full attention.

Still buzzing around

So I finally got William’s schedule made up and started enforcing it this week. <sigh> Why oh why did I not get a system like this in place months, nay years, ago. We’re getting so much more done now! I also took the time to make an oh so colorful day planner on my iCal and that’s really helping me get MY schedule done, which is an added benefit from getting William on a schedule that I had not really expected. My main goal with William’s schedule was to get him contributing more and living in fantasy land less. So far so good on that account, and his attitude has been super duper too. Just the fact that he has cleared the table after each meal today has been huge. The dishwasher has already run today. And I just ran it yesterday! That’s crazy around here!

Another big deal is getting into a steady schedule with homeschooling. We’re working a little bit below his grade level, although he’s still testing above his grade level. This is both encouraging to me–I’m not crippling him because I can’t afford to just throw away the stuff we haven’t finished yet and move on to the new stuff–and discouraging–my number one reason for homeschooling was to be able to advance him at his own speed. Sadly, I have had trouble advancing him at regular speed, much less his own speed. But this is all looking up now. I have high hopes of being back on track by next summer, and I think I’ll actually be able to make a good sized purchase this spring. I do love getting a box o’ Sonlight.  Added bonus:  I’ll be able to get back on the forums.  I never said much there, but I really miss reading all the great ideas from the veterans.  I’d like to say that next time around I’ll be able to work up the nerve to comment frequently…okay sometimes.  Occasionally?  Anyway, I’d like to participate a bit, even though I don’t feel like my personal situation and experience translates well in general.  There really aren’t many of us crazy single-work-from-home-homeschooling moms out there.

Speaking of working from home, the big project is almost done!  I’m so excited because it’s my first project of this size, but even more because I’m really getting SICK of it and ready to move onto something else.  It’s like preparing a piano piece for performance–you play it again and again for months, and at first you’re all excited about it, and by the time you learn it, you never want to hear it again, much less play it.  Or maybe that’s just me.

Hmm…I think I’m officially procrastinating.

Busy bee

Keeping busy helps.  I think I’m coming to grips with the fact that this is my cross to bear, as gracefully as possible.  I think I’m coming to see that I need to not fight it.  Do my best to live with this as if it’s going to be a permanent situation.  Trust God to protect my son.  Quit being impatient and wanting it to be over already.  Okay…so I haven’t really made much progress on the last one.  But keeping busy does help.  Blogging about it…not so much.

Heavy hearted

I don’t think I’m the kind of person that really gets depressed.  I feel like I should be depressed about this whole situation, but isn’t depression kind of numbing?  I kind of wish I could be numb, or numb-er at least.  Everytime I remember that yesterday wasn’t the end it’s a violent shock accompanied by a jolt in my heart and a sharp pain in my stomach.  I really don’t want to see how much I can endure.  I guess I’ll endure this as long as I have to, but hasn’t this been long enough?  The prospect of being legally forced to put my child in danger is….horrifying.   I feel so helpless and powerless and angry!  Frustration doesn’t seem to be a powerful enough word to encompass what I feel.  Frustration to the power of infinity?  How do I not let this mar every second?  How do I keep this black cloud hanging over me from casting a pall over this life we have.  I love my life.  I have a super life, except for this one–what blemish? crisis? big fat bummer?  Joy and panic are fighting for the preeminence in my heart and head right now.

Let go, and let God.

I haven’t been doing so good at this whole journaling thing. I think I’m too much of a perfectionist with my writing. But this is journaling, not writing, so I’m going to keep trying to do it daily, or close to that. I have a lot of half-finished posts stacked up. But tonight I want to write about today.

We had a hearing today and I was found in contempt and sentenced to probation for refusing a visitation. This was just silly. But oh well. I don’t really want to re-hash the days’ events because it’s been pretty much all that our whole family has talked about all day. I just need to write these things to myself: have faith, be patient, let go and let God.

I’ve heard that last phrase used by many “churchy” people, and never really liked it because it strikes me as being a bit cheesy and sappy. But in this case it truly applies. The legal system is so convoluted, I can never hope to unravel it all and work this out on my own, but I seem to keep trying. I’ve prayed in desperation, but also in faith, that we won’t have to have any more visitations. That he won’t show up for any. God has answered this prayer for almost a year. I’ll continue to pray it, but after today, I find my faith wavering a bit. Why? Because PPCP talked such a big talk today that I think he’ll at least make a minimal effort for a while, if only to save face. But I really really don’t want this to drag out. The ending is inevitable. I just don’t want it to drag out.

I told my lawyer today that I used to be an endurance athlete. I know I can outlast PPCP. And I do know that. I have my family and God supporting me all along the way and I have every reason to fight until the death. Because I actually love the child involved. I’ll do absolutely anything for him. Anything! But I hope that it doesn’t drag out because it’s all a big drag. It’s depressing and stressful and discouraging and annoying. I pray with all of my being that it will be over soon. That it will be over now! Because I don’t want to play anymore.

But I have to let go of the whole situation and let God handle it. He knows what is best. Perfectly. I trust Him to do what’s best, but I don’t trust myself to not make it harder on myself. I’m stoopid, as evidenced by my marrying PPCP in the first place.

Ugh…anyway….I’m so tired right now, but I wanted to get some thoughts down. I need a pensieve. I really don’t want to dream about this all night, like I did when I took a nap this afternoon. What happened to sleep being the balm of hurt minds? And as if that weren’t enough, I have one of these earache/headache/nausea/eyeache combos coming on. Lovely. I wonder if these could possibly be migraines? Enough journaling for tonight. Sleepytime.

Protected: Reality check

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Tidbits from the Ozarks

Monday, October 1st

–Blessing of little children

–JB sermonette on 5th commandment. Good.

–L forgot to replace Mr. B. P and I improvised on the hymns and it went off well.

–P gave a great Bible Study on parenting.

–JB2 was too cute in kids’ choir practice

–Anthem Hymn is coming together, but Mr. M doesn’t want to practice.

–Glow in the dark frisbee. But the glow goo came off in the wet grass. I did okay. Much better than in Canmore. M picked me 2nd. I overheard someone on the other team say that I was good, but can’t imagine who it was. D maybe? Our team won on a spectacular catch by C on a throw from me. So maybe I still am an athlete. I really want to lose this stupid weight.